Devoted to branding and building and protecting brands

In the interest of equal time, here's the companion list to the Biggest Lies Clients Tell Agencies:

1. We’re not like other agencies. Yeah, your "different". Except for your business model, the way you swap-out employees with other shops, the hardware and software you use, and the inane trends you follow like zombies. Worse than chefs. And the monotone wardrobe. The fact is, clients don't mind "standard equipment" in most service organizations, except when it comes to creativity and originality in the thinking. Here, there's no substitute for proprietary. Which means original. Technologies, trends and fashions come and go. It's still all about the ideas. If you don't have fresh ones, the other crap is still, well, crap.
2. Our people are experts. Experts in what? If your knee-jerk answer doesn't include the concept of "giving people reasons to buy", it's the wrong answer. An agency is never going to know as much about the client's business as the client does; what the client wants is what they can't home-brew. An outside perspective and creative execution of the strategies you craft in tandem.
3. Our approach is unique. See #1 above. Here's the reality: Any creative services firm worth its Flash-animation website should have a disciplined approach and process but it's not going to be radically different than any other. The "unique" stuff is all about the people with whom they collaborate and the principals who are willing to challenge what is expected. Clients want an agency that earns recognition for being among the elite, creatively speaking, but also for focusing on sales/marketing objectives and getting ROI that will arouse the favorable attention of their (the clients') superiors. Those guys who are constantly snooping around asking embarassing questions.
4. We will always provide an honest assessment of the market/product/category/your company situation. From the vantage point of the agency, it's more important that the client understand the market and how to position itself. A good agency should then craft the kind of messages and imagery that dramatizes the positioning and makes it understandable and memorable to customers/consumers.
5. We really pride ourselves on listening. Yep, nothing like talking to someone who latches on to your first sentence, then begins constructing responses to it, and ignores everything else you say. Or have you every met anyone who can talk and listen simultaneously?
6. Nothing is more important than candor and honesty. We will never toady. "Candor and honesty", like world peace and the eradication of disease, are important. The problem is that political realities are part of the human condition. Good agencies understand this, don't deny it and don't let it immobilize them. Successful clients got that way because they employ smart, ambitous people. And people who are smart and ambitious don't always see things the same way. Sometimes they can get really nasty about it. Hey, if everyone agreed with everyone else all the time, somebody in that mix is redundant.
7. We’ll steward your budget like it was our own money. The shop a client wants to work with over the long term will intuitively understand that the client's money is the client's money, and that to be happy, the client needs to achieve a return on it. Every buck they spend. That's the first thing their CEO will look at.
8. We don’t believe in short-term “fixes” based on the trends or fads of the day. Then why are their so many look-alike websites, ads, campaigns, design, etc.,etc. ? We TiVO through them, we mute them, we tune them out of our consciousness because they're mostly bland, inane, white noise. Clients need buzz, not fizz. Buzz builds on itself and gets louder and more irresistible over time, fizz goes flat. Quickly. The agency needs the instinct for how to generate the former and eradicate the latter. It needs a Marketing Gene.
9. We like to think of ourselves as your peer-- you partner -- not your vendor. Get real. Clients pay for service, not peer review. The "partnering" thing sounds good in new business meetings, but it doesn't really work in practical reality. Neither does it inspire great work.
10. You’re going to love your new A.E., art director, copywriter, etc. Reality check: Members of the account team will inevitably change, but the principals have keep their eye on the clients' ball (read: business) at all times. This means that if they try to fob some kid right out of school onto an unsuspecting client, and pass him or her off as some prodigy when he or she is something, shall we say, less -- said client has the right to declare in no uncertain terms that this wasn't the deal agreed to. You better find a way to restore happiness to the client -- or they'll find happiness with another partner, I mean, agency.